Me too. [she stands and stretches, completely worn out. who knew feelings were exhausting? yukari then holds out a hand for minako.] Let's get outta here.
[ minako takes it, grinning and lacing their fingers together. there's a rough patch of skin on either side of her hand, like a little circle of scar tissue. like something had been driven through it at some point. ]
We're good, turn it off! [ while the projection starts to fade out and she starts them both towards the exit, her grin fades as well. there's one thing she's been thinking about. ]
Do you and the others--did you find out what happened, though, after I...? I know what I did, kind of, but I don't...
[ she's hazy on a lot of the details of what she did and how it works. ]
[she had forgotten this wasn't actually iwatodai. as the dorm fades and the street beneath them begins disappearing beneath their feet, she lightly brushes the rough patch of skin on the back of minako's hand with her fingertips. what--?]
After we found you, Mitsuru sent you to a hospital as soon as possible. We waited for you to wake up, but.... [yukari takes a deep breath.] We still aren't sure what happened. Just that there hasn't been any Tartarus or Apathy Syndrome since.
[ she shrugs one shoulder, nodding at that as they reach the door. minako squeezes her hand before she goes on. ]
I sealed Nyx, like I said. I just don't... really know what that actually means, or looks like. I know it took my soul, my life, to do it, but that's it. I guess the last sparks I was running on were gone, once I'd kept our promise.
[her stomach sinks with each word. that meant that minako was losing a part of herself each day during the last month of her life. the month where everyone except for aigis had forgotten. listening to aigis open up about that time was torture, but this....
yukari is too distracted by the prismal scientists and their many questions after they step through the door to formulate a response. sensory overload is happening in a big way. it's only after they're shepherded into the wilds of the government center that she allows herself to breathe.
looking at minako now, yukari wants to say, 'i didn't want it to be you,' but that feels selfish. everyone felt that way. it wouldn't be fair to claim that sentiment for her own. instead, she asks quietly,] You kept yourself going for us?
[ she's glad for the short reprieve the questions offer, and she looks away from yukari, hoping the trembling of her chin doesn't show. minako tilts her head down a bit, letting her bangs shadow her eyes. her response comes just as softly, voice shaking around the edges, as she squeezes yukari's hand again, heading down the walkway with her. ]
Of course I did. We all promised, didn't we? [ she debates for a second whether to go on and tell her about it. she can't hide the truth from yukari, not at this point. ] I was so tired, Yukari. I don't know if you remember, but I couldn't focus, I was sleeping all the time. I... I was fading, and everything hurt. I said my goodbyes to everyone--to all of you--in those last few days, but I don't know if any of you realized that's what it was...
[ she chuckles, but there's no joy in it. she wonders, passingly, how yukari's meeting with her mother during spring break went. ]
I barely made it to the roof. Aigis held me like that because I couldn't stay on my feet.
[she recalls a short conversation she'd had with a friend in march.
'arisato-san in our class is quiet, isn't she? she always looks tired.... you think she's okay? maybe i should reach out. she lives in my dorm, after all.'
she hadn't. there had been so much to do before graduation day.] We didn't even--we were all so stupid.... [she swallows past the lump in her throat. everything else she wants to say feels trite. what can you even say to who's telling you how they died?
she opts to stay quiet for now, rubbing her thumb over minako's knuckles in a comforting gesture. if she was going to talk, yukari was going to let her say whatever she needed.]
On the 3rd, you know... I really thought some of you were remembering? You guys all remembered you were close to me, but you still didn't remember the Dark Hour, or what we'd done. You--god, I made spring break plans with some of you, even though I... [ she takes a breath. she's not going to cry again, not now. ]
I don't know if you remember, everything was... You wanted me to come with you, when you went to see your mom. [ for moral support, yes, but also... never mind, she dismisses that thought. it doesn't matter now. ]
I remember. [it had been a difficult trip for a variety of reasons yukari didn't even want to think about right now.] ...everything went okay, by the way. Mom and I talk regularly now and we still fight sometimes, but it's better.
[a pause,] Minako...thank you. Not just for helping with Mom, but-- everything.
"Than you deserve"? Minako, what are you talking about? You deserve-- [everything.] --people who care about you. At the funeral--!
[yukari stops speaking abruptly and looks to the side with a grimace. she hated the word 'funeral'. too many people she had known or cared about had already had a funeral too early. and besides, she couldn't bear to think about minako's even though more than a year had passed since then.]
[ she might've been tempted to make a flippant joke about her funeral earlier, but. right now, something about the idea of other people having their lives interrupted to mourn a girl they hadn't known long who certainly didn't warrant the grief or the trouble has her stomach tying up in knots.
there's... nothing on minako's face besides how very fucking tired she is. she doesn't know how to hold this back anymore. and yet she laughs, letting go of yukari's hand and resting the flat of the other across her brow, rubbing her eyes. ]
I'm a disgusting person, Yukari, I was always so scared you or the others would see it. [ and she backs up a little. ] I kept clinging onto anyone who paid me even a little bit of attention, and I didn't care if I burned up from getting too close [ ryoji. ] or just dragged them down with me...
[ it doesn't matter that it's irrational, that it twists what happened, that it leaves out so much of the good she's done. it's how it feels, so much of the time. ]
[hearing the words "a disgusting person" makes yukari's chest squeeze so tightly, she almost forgets how to breathe. there's a long moment as she considers how she can even begin to respond. finally,]
We all hold on to people we care about, even if we know it'll hurt. It's even scarier to put yourself out there when you don't feel like you're worth anything.
...but you taught me that our relationships are the most important things we have. So even if you think you're disgusting, [yukari takes a step toward her,] you're my best friend, Minako. No matter what.
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We're good, turn it off! [ while the projection starts to fade out and she starts them both towards the exit, her grin fades as well. there's one thing she's been thinking about. ]
Do you and the others--did you find out what happened, though, after I...? I know what I did, kind of, but I don't...
[ she's hazy on a lot of the details of what she did and how it works. ]
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After we found you, Mitsuru sent you to a hospital as soon as possible. We waited for you to wake up, but.... [yukari takes a deep breath.] We still aren't sure what happened. Just that there hasn't been any Tartarus or Apathy Syndrome since.
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I sealed Nyx, like I said. I just don't... really know what that actually means, or looks like. I know it took my soul, my life, to do it, but that's it. I guess the last sparks I was running on were gone, once I'd kept our promise.
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yukari is too distracted by the prismal scientists and their many questions after they step through the door to formulate a response. sensory overload is happening in a big way. it's only after they're shepherded into the wilds of the government center that she allows herself to breathe.
looking at minako now, yukari wants to say, 'i didn't want it to be you,' but that feels selfish. everyone felt that way. it wouldn't be fair to claim that sentiment for her own. instead, she asks quietly,] You kept yourself going for us?
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Of course I did. We all promised, didn't we? [ she debates for a second whether to go on and tell her about it. she can't hide the truth from yukari, not at this point. ] I was so tired, Yukari. I don't know if you remember, but I couldn't focus, I was sleeping all the time. I... I was fading, and everything hurt. I said my goodbyes to everyone--to all of you--in those last few days, but I don't know if any of you realized that's what it was...
[ she chuckles, but there's no joy in it. she wonders, passingly, how yukari's meeting with her mother during spring break went. ]
I barely made it to the roof. Aigis held me like that because I couldn't stay on my feet.
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'arisato-san in our class is quiet, isn't she? she always looks tired.... you think she's okay? maybe i should reach out. she lives in my dorm, after all.'
she hadn't. there had been so much to do before graduation day.] We didn't even--we were all so stupid.... [she swallows past the lump in her throat. everything else she wants to say feels trite. what can you even say to who's telling you how they died?
she opts to stay quiet for now, rubbing her thumb over minako's knuckles in a comforting gesture. if she was going to talk, yukari was going to let her say whatever she needed.]
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[ she brushes her shoulder against yukari's. ]
On the 3rd, you know... I really thought some of you were remembering? You guys all remembered you were close to me, but you still didn't remember the Dark Hour, or what we'd done. You--god, I made spring break plans with some of you, even though I... [ she takes a breath. she's not going to cry again, not now. ]
I don't know if you remember, everything was... You wanted me to come with you, when you went to see your mom. [ for moral support, yes, but also... never mind, she dismisses that thought. it doesn't matter now. ]
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[a pause,] Minako...thank you. Not just for helping with Mom, but-- everything.
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what is there to even thank her for? if they weren't already deep in this she'd play it off, or say it was nothing, but... ]
I should be thanking you. Yukari, I-- until I met you all, I didn't have anyone. You were so much better to me than I ever deserved.
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[yukari stops speaking abruptly and looks to the side with a grimace. she hated the word 'funeral'. too many people she had known or cared about had already had a funeral too early. and besides, she couldn't bear to think about minako's even though more than a year had passed since then.]
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there's... nothing on minako's face besides how very fucking tired she is. she doesn't know how to hold this back anymore. and yet she laughs, letting go of yukari's hand and resting the flat of the other across her brow, rubbing her eyes. ]
I'm a disgusting person, Yukari, I was always so scared you or the others would see it. [ and she backs up a little. ] I kept clinging onto anyone who paid me even a little bit of attention, and I didn't care if I burned up from getting too close [ ryoji. ] or just dragged them down with me...
[ it doesn't matter that it's irrational, that it twists what happened, that it leaves out so much of the good she's done. it's how it feels, so much of the time. ]
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We all hold on to people we care about, even if we know it'll hurt. It's even scarier to put yourself out there when you don't feel like you're worth anything.
...but you taught me that our relationships are the most important things we have. So even if you think you're disgusting, [yukari takes a step toward her,] you're my best friend, Minako. No matter what.
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finally: ]
It's not what I think, that's not... it's just how it felt. How it feels.
[ she clutches the back of yukari's top, doing her level best to avoid crying. so far so good, but like, barely. ]
All of you meant everything to me. You know that, right?
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Totally. You meant everything to us. You still do, honestly.
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Being on the other end of this feels really weird.
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